guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Someone came in the potted fern
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
