he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
