Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
