I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
