I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
