She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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