a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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