listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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