why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
