Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
