Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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