You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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