You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
