No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
