Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can you bring me the toilet please
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
