Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
