I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's rum buckets o'clock
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
