Do you still have your period?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
