barbara walters just said penis...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
They have beer where we have blood.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
