She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
