you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
