You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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