i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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