i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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