Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
