She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
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I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
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She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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