I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
