I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
