Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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