I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
