I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
