I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
