just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize