Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
