if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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