Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
