But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
