just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
