Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
