How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
