I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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