I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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