hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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