Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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