i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
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She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
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how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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