take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
