if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
