I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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