He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
