YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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