woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm always down for nudity.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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