i think my tv is drunk
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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