I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
