I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
