A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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