I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
