yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
