my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
