i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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