worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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