I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I currently don't understand fingers.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
