So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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