Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
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Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale