My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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