do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
nutella sex= disaster
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
