New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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