He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
