I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
