Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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