Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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