I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
As shirtless as possible
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
