I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
