it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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