Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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