Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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