don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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