Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
